No woman is complete without a man by her side.
The story is as old as time itself. Unless a woman has a man in her life, she couldn’t possibly be happy. And god forbid, you should be single in your 30s!! I mean, the horror! Don’t get me wrong, I am not against marriage or relationships. My issue is with the pressure that’s turned on when a woman reaches a certain age.
It’s as if your every accomplishment loses value. Your parents are concerned you’ll end up alone and lonely with nobody to take care of you. It’s not just the society or the relatives who place this sort of pressure on women of certain age. Women do it to themselves.
‘How to make yourself more attractive to a man?’
’30 ways to get him to ask you out.’
‘Things you can do to keep your man interested.’ – these are actual articles on the internet! There are hundreds of them. I know women who are pathologically afraid of being single.
Romantic relationships are not a necessity. They are not vital to your happiness.
A husband or boyfriend should be a happy addition to your already wonderful life and not the reason for it. Dig deep for your strength and hold out for someone who sets your soul on fire. More Importantly, learn to be complete all on your own. Don’t enter a relationship because that’s the only way you think you can be happy.
If you want to really get to know how your own mind works, live alone.
If you want to grow, you’ve to be self-aware. Self-awareness happens when you spend time alone with your own thoughts. Stop trying to run away from the conflicts in your life. Find the strength to confront the long-buried issues. Shush the noise outside so that you can hear the voice within.
A woman who has never lived alone hasn’t plumbed the depths of her own self. She has yet to discover her strengths and vulnerabilities.
This gap in your self-awareness is dangerous, and when you attach yourself to another human being, you do them a disservice. They become a crutch.
Related: Step-by-step guide to becoming more self-aware
A lot of such people get into relationships, especially marriage, to serve personal needs. You should be with someone because you want them and not because you need them. You should want to be with them because they challenge and inspire you. Anything else will end with you becoming an extension of the other person.
Do yourself a favor, and learn to live alone so that your happiness isn’t dependent on someone else’s presence in your life. Not to mention the fact, that a girl who has lived alone and taken care of her crap by herself is a confident badass.
What’s more, it is believed that people strong enough to live alone are the ones who can truly love another human being.
Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person – without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other.
When you pay your own bills, you get to call the shots.
The future is unpredictable. You need to be in a position to handle whatever life throws at you. Don’t just make money. Grow it! Educate yourself on the subject of investing and growing your money. Save up for the future.
A lot of women rush into marriage because they are afraid of having to take care of themselves. Financial independence can give you confidence in your abilities to do just that.
Get a kick-ass education. Like Financial Independence, this will give you the confidence to make choices independent of other people’s opinions.
If something goes wrong in your life, the qualifications you’ve acquired will allow you to stand on your own two feet. Education gives you a safety net which in turns, allows you the space necessary for bold choices.
He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the Sun. You are.
Love makes fools of us all. If we could, we would stop the world spinning for the people we love. We dedicate ourselves so completely, that sometimes we start to lose our own identity in the name of that love.
So, establish boundaries. Yes, you are willing to do a whole lot to make your man happy, but at what point do you stop and say, enough. Women alter their very bodies to hold onto the men in their life. That’s not okay! You have to know what your limits are, and you have to stick to them with utter and complete honesty.
If you keep giving in on things that are important to you, you’ll wake up someday and realize that you’re nothing more than a sad shadow of the man sleeping next to you; and, you’ll have nobody else to blame but yourself. Don’t allow anyone to eclipse your needs.
Related: 3 Keys To A Healthy Relationship
You have every right to your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. Your single status gives you the time and space to evaluate your priorities. If you really want to be in a relationship, go into it with a clear awareness of your own needs. Wait for a man who will respect your boundaries, and who wouldn’t play Russian roulette with your personal ambitions.
A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.
I am a product of the books I’ve read. They have taken me down a road of self-discovery and they have helped me understand others better. Getting an education isn’t enough. Reading can help you broaden your mind.
It teaches you life lessons, and it makes you learn more about your own emotional intelligence.
Related: Ultimate Book Recommendation List : Expand Your Mind & Find Inspiration
If it is ever a choice between a book and anything else, I’ll choose a book. My books are one of the reasons I’ve never felt lonely in my life which means I’ve never been driven to dating someone out of sheer desperation or boredom. A majority of kids start dating too early for those very reasons.
Also, date someone who reads. They will never be clingy, and they’ll know how to hold a conversation.
If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have any books, don’t f**k ’em.
Crudely put, but I agree with the man.
Working out isn’t just for people in a relationship, you know. Take care of your body. Exercise and eat healthy. Get in shape! If you look good, you’ll feel good about yourself.
Your self-worth won’t be dependent on reassurance from others or some random guy flirting with you in the bar.
Looking in the mirror should give you a kick, and you don’t have to be a stunner for it. It should simply be a strong statement of your lifestyle. There is more than one reason why gym walls are lined with mirrors.
Related: The Best Self-Care Products For A Healthier Mind & Body
Just like living alone, traveling solo can really show you what you’re made of by pushing you out of your comfort zone. I have so many people in my life, but only a couple of them have the confidence to travel alone.
Try it, at least once! It will be the most liberating experience of your life, and with everything else, it will chip away at that part of you that believes you need someone to live a fulfilling life.
Related: 10 reasons to Travel for self-growth
I can deal with the broken faucets in the bathroom. I am not scared of opening the appliances in my home. I don’t have to do any of this; I can just pay a guy. I do this for confidence. Being able to fix the tv gives me more of a kick than the Masters’ degree reposing in my drawer.
Make a list of everything that you depend on a man for, and learn how to do each and every one of those things. The day you realize you are not dependent on anyone for anything is the day your self-worth will solidify into something unshakeable. All those insecurities you’ve nurtured in some scared part of your mind will start to fall away.
The decision to be with someone or not to be with someone is a massive one. It has the potential to completely alter your life, and either fill it with unbelievable happiness or do untold damage.
Before you make a commitment that big, make sure you understand what a relationship of that nature means to you. Figure out if you are doing the right thing for yourself and for the right reasons. Make sure you are not being talked into anything and that you’ve chosen the right person.
Anytime you take a defiant stance, it helps to have a group of like-minded people supporting your fight.
Being single isn’t exactly a battle but every once in a while you’re beset by “well-meaning”, interfering relatives/friends who think they know better than you what you need in life. They leave once they’ve successfully annoyed you into a migraine attack.
In such scenarios, it helps to have someone to bitch to who can pipe in with agreements laced with equal parts sympathy and annoyance on your behalf. Then there are those moments when you feel like caving into the pressure but for all the wrong reasons; in those moments, you need someone to talk sense into you. Someone’s absurd level of hotness or a random day’s loneliness is no reason to get into a relationship.
So ladies, build yourself a tribe of strong, independent women willing to stand by you and keep you on the straight and narrow. Also, I don’t think there is anything more beautiful than a group of strong, independent women sharing their strength and support with each other.
It warms my heart when I hang out with such fierce ladies, and it’s always a sweet moment when we discuss our finances and plan our future with confidence and surety.
Stand strong! Let the world have their say, but hold steady to your beliefs. It is not for them to understand your choices or your reasoning for it, they just have to respect your right to choose. Don’t ever make a decision out of fear of the unknown. We all have the strength and courage to pursue what is important to us, no matter the naysayers!
I hope each and every one of you finds love in your life, and I hope it’s as glorious as all the writers and singers will have us believe. More Importantly, when you decide to commit to that love, I hope you do it for all the right reasons and without any doubt in your head.
If you decide to roll solo, I hope you find the strength to stand-up to the old biddies, stick to your guns, and enjoy a colorful, ridiculously happy life.
I know what it’s like to fall apart and gradually put your pieces back together to build something better than what you had before and I share all my lessons in this space hoping that you will share my learnings without the struggle.
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